


Better Feared, Than Loved

by SarahPunk



Series: Renegade Series [1]
Category: GOT7, iKON (Kpop)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Alternate Universe - Noir, Alternative Universe - FBI, Crime, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 03:19:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7668148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahPunk/pseuds/SarahPunk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As part of the Renegade team, Junhoe and Jaebum have made a name for themselves. Feared by many, loved by very few, they were called to perform a very special hit for a very special client. Their dynamic chemistry, combined with their sharp skills, landed them this job offer that they couldn’t refuse. Will this be the job to end all jobs? Or is this mystery client out for revenge?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys!! I have a tumblr and a masterlist. On here, http://sarahrockinpunk.tumblr.com/works , I have a lot more work. I also take requests! Happy Reading everyone!!

Time: 3AM

Day: Sunday

Location: Jaebum’s apartment

Present Day…

Jaebum sat at his kitchen island with a rum and coke in one hand, and his Colt M1908 pistol in the other. His mind raced. He couldn’t save his best friend, so why was he worth saving?

It had been two months since the mission had gone awry, and two months had passed while Jaebum sat slowly killing himself. It started with Jaebum closing himself off from people. At first, no one was concerned. They thought he was just going through the grieving process, but his soon to follow behavior grew erratic. He began to drink excessively, only leaving his apartment to buy more booze. His appearance went from proper and dapper, to that of a disheveled looking drunk. His habits and appearance worried people, but that didn’t matter to Jaebum.

Jaebum wasn’t the type to open up to just anyone. It took a lot for him to open up to his partner in crime, and it took even longer to consider him a best friend. It wasn’t that Jaebum was cold, it was that he just valued trust as the epitome of values, and it took a lot to convince him someone was worthy of that trait. Junhoe would slowly, but surely win Jaebum over, only to be taken away from him as soon as the fondness grew to brotherhood.

Replaying the events in his head, Jaebum poured himself another drink. As he staggered to the freezer for ice, he dropped his glass, shattering it all over the hard linoleum floor. Bending over to pick up the shards of glass, Jaebum lost his balance slamming his head into the cabinet. Everything went black.

Spinning through a world of unconsciousness, Jaebum’s body began to flail from the excessive amounts of alcohol running through his veins. Unbeknownst to Jaebum, he was slowly dying, despite his previous efforts. Without help, he would indeed die.

In the apartment below, the landlord was getting ready for bed. Suffering from insomnia, the elderly man often took late night/early morning walks to help him fall asleep. Tonight was no different from the previous ones, only a little colder. As the man was getting into his bed, he heard a loud thud in the apartment above.

Since the apartment complex was close to a university, a lot of riff raff rented apartments. Only a few tenants were compliant to the landlord’s rules, and the apartment above the landlord was one of them. The landlord didn’t know much about this man, but he knew he was young. He also knew he had a drinking problem, but he knew that this problem was caused from a traumatic event.

As a recovering addict himself, the Vietnam War vet saw the signs. The seclusion, the poor outer appearance, and the bloodshot eyes. The landlord didn’t pry into Jaebum’s personal life, but he made a note to keep an eye out for him. For the landlord knew it was only a matter of time Jaebum would need a life savor, and tonight was that night.

Quickly throwing on his robe, the landlord ran upstairs to Jaebum’s apartment. Bursting down the door, the landlord rushed the room, finding a bleeding Jaebum laying on the kitchen floor. Foam was oozing from his mouth, and his breathing was extremely weak. The landlord quickly called for an ambulance.

A few days passed as Jaebum laid in an alcohol induced coma. The landlord didn’t leave his side, and often sat in the room with Jaebum. The landlord had a fatherly way about him, making the staff of the hospital view him as Jaebum’s father. They even kind of looked alike, making the assumption even more true.

The man prayed. He prayed so much, he wondered if any thoughts that crossed his mind weren’t prayers. He prayed for his son, the one he abandoned for the bottle. He prayed for his estranged wife, who he also left behind for his addiction. He prayed for his brothers who had fallen before his eyes, the ones who made it possible for him to live to see today. Most importantly, he prayed for Jaebum, the young lost soul who he saw so much of himself in.

His prayers were answered. After a five day coma, Jaebum woke up. Still disoriented, he started to struggle against the wires attached to him. Quickly, the old man jumped up, placing a hand on Jaebum’s forehead. With one touch, Jaebum stopped moving, and began to cry.

“Don’t worry. You’re safe now.” The man said, brushing Jaebum’s hair trying to calm him down.

Jaebum began to sob, realizing he was back to reality. He reached for the kind aura next to his bed, crying like that of a hurt child. The man embraced the emotional Jaebum without hesitation.

“Don’t worry son. I lost my brother too. I’ve been where you are, and I know what you’re thinking right this very minute. It gets better. It gets so much better. But first you have to come to terms with what happened. And it all starts with getting rid of that damn bottle.” The old man hugged Jaebum tight. He could feel Jaebum’s weak and broken soul as he sobbed. The old man even cried, reliving the memories of his past.

“I killed him.” Jaebum sobbed into the mans chest. “I KILLED HIM.” Jaebum began to scream thorough the tears.

“Survivors guilt is a nasty demon.” The man said to himself as he embraced the vehement Jaebum.

Quickly growing exhausted from his emotion, Jaebum released his grasp from the man and passed out. The nurse quickly entered the room, giving the medicine making it possible for Jaebum to fight withdraws without death. The nurse assured the man that Jaebum would be stronger after he sleeps some more, and that the man should also get some sleep.

The man agreed, and took his seat back in the corner of the room. Without a second thought, the old man himself passed out from exhaustion.

This would be the beginning of a new era for Jaebum, and an answered prayer for his lost soul. A prayer answered by the one he grieved for the most.


	2. Chapter 2

Time: Midnight

Location: A casino in Dubai 

A Year Earlier…

Dubai was Jaebum’s favorite vacation destination. The booze was good, the beaches were hot, and the women were hotter. Even though Jaebum wasn’t a gambler, he also spent some time in the biggest casino on the island. His knack being craps. He even got a kick out of watching people playing the game. Something about watching others winning big, made Jaebum happy.

Although Dubai was a vacation spot for Jaebum, this particular trip was all business. Him and Junhoe were sent to Dubai to strengthen relations with a notorious mob boss in the area, and establish a partnership with one of the new casinos being built. The orders were easy: don’t do anything stupid, and don’t kill anybody. As long as Jaebum was getting paid, he didn’t stray from orders given. Junhoe on the other hand, was not as compliant with orders.

Jaebum admired this about Junhoe. It also made him laugh, considering Junhoe’s background and how he became what he was. Junhoe was a special ops trained assassin who was recruited by the CIA, soon to be released on “ workplace differences”. This used to make Jaebum laugh, because he knew that it was something serious if the CIA let him go. Junhoe never talked about the reason for his release, but Jaebum knew that it didn’t matter. Junhoe was where he was meant to be, and that’s all that mattered.

Jaebum on the other hand, was just a former street gang thug, turned high profile debt collector. It was all fate how he got this job, and Jaebum was thankful for that. Sure, he was still on the bad side of the law, but this position paid way more and he didn’t have to fear being killed by a rival. He was an enigma, which is what Jaebum liked. He picked up the habit of using fake names and using fake ID’s when working on jobs, and this made him hard to track.   
Junhoe suggested this trait, even following in his footsteps.

The morning of their high profile business venture, Junhoe suggested a plan of action and backstory to tell their client.

“Boss said he doesn’t anyone dead. Since you’re trigger happy, I suggest you tell whoever we’re meeting I’m your body guard.” Junhoe said, buttoning up his shirt, covering up his bulletproof vest with a suit jacket.

“You’re going to die of heat stroke in that get up. You’re going to a casino, not buying it. Be less Bugsy and more Howard Hughes.” Jaebum said, checking himself out in the mirror.

“God Jaebum, I’m wanting to pitch a deal, not look homeless.” Junhoe walked into the bathroom to fix his bed hair.

“Howard Hughes was a very rich, savvy, and successful man. Don’t judge a book by its cover Junhoe.” Jaebum leaned into the doorway, watching Junhoe slick back his hair.

“He was also nuts.” Junhoe adjusted his tie and looked at Jaebum’s reflection in the mirror. 

“Why are you wearing a vest? I thought you said no guns.” Jaebum crossed his arms, studying Junhoe’s very classic look.

“I said no guns for us. That doesn’t mean they’ll be unarmed.” Junhoe walked into the room and sat on the bed. He reached under the bed and pulled out his dress shoes. “Don’t be stupid Jaebum. I’m serious. That even means drinking. If they offer it, tell them no.” Junhoe started to put his shoes on.

“I can’t have a cocktail if they offer it? What kind of vacation is this?” Jaebum snorted.

“It’s not. If we were here on vacation, we’d be in a five star suit with the hottest tail this far East.” Junhoe didn’t look amused, and was trying to be serious.

“Fine. I’ll go dry, for now.” Jaebum took a quick look into the mirror to make sure he looked presentable.

Junhoe watched as Jaebum primped. He laughed to himself. Junhoe didn’t know why he was always so hard on Jaebum, but he knew that it was kind of unnecessary. But who else was going to watch over him? It sure wasn’t going to be Jaebum.

“Are you done?” Junhoe asked as he walked out the door.

“As ready as ready can be.” Jaebum followed Junhoe to the elevator.

The two of them stood in silence as the elevator made its way to the lobby. After a few minutes of silence, Jaebum looked over at Junhoe and began to laugh.

“What.” Junhoe said dryly, not even looking at Jaebum.

“That vest makes you look fat.” Jaebum laughed even harder.

“And that suit makes you look like a child playing dress up. Who sold you that thing anyway?” Junhoe looked Jaebum up and down. Jaebum’s far from business suit clashed with his dress shirt. The suit was a pinstripe bold blue, with a pink shirt matched with a red tie. “You look like you’re going to Wall Street.”

“Hey now, this suit is an Armani.” Jaebum adjusted his jacket.

“Well it makes you look like you dressed yourself in the dark.” Junhoe said

The elevator opened and the two of them walked out. They blended in well with the environment. The foreigners were all dressed alike, with the exception of a few. Business was the front, but corruption was the reason for a lot of business expenditures here. The bigger the name, the bigger the price, but the bigger the protection.

When the two dapper men walked into the meeting, they were greeted with warm handshakes. The meeting went off without a hitch, and the two of them left satisfied. Jaebum looked around the room, and noticed a very attractive woman walking with the owner of the casino. He smiled at her, and winked, but soon realized that she was the wife of one of the biggest mobsters in the world. Quickly Jaebum looked at Junhoe to see if he noticed what he had just done, and to his surprise everyone but him and the woman knew. The boss walked up to Jaebum and shook his hand, and lead them into the meeting room. The wife stayed behind.

An hour later…

“I think we earned ourselves a drink.” Junhoe said with a smile. The first one he had allowed all day.

“I second that.” Jaebum smiled brightly and walked up to the bar of their casino.

The two of them sat down and ordered something strong. They sat in silence, watching the people around them, the feeling in the air suddenly grew dim.

“So…um…” Jaebum began to say, as he took a drink of his Russian Coke.  
“What happens when they find out why we’re really here?” Jaebum started to shift in his chair nervously.

“They won’t.” Junhoe took a drink of his whiskey.

“That one, sitting in the corner, he knew something was up.” Jaebum leaned in closer to whisper to Junhoe. “He was eyeing you pretty hard. And your vest.”

“So? He was wearing one too. He probably wanted to know what brand mine was, so we could chat about our similar protective gear brand preferences.” Junhoe laughed to himself.

“I’m serious June.” Jaebum smacked the bar. He also got a nasty look from everyone around him.

“You’ll never hear me say this ever again…” Junhoe took a drink and continued, “Drink yourself silly. You deserve it.” Junhoe chugged the rest of his drink.

Jaebum sighed to himself, and downed his drink. The two of them had a few more drinks at the bar before moving to the casino. Here, they grew careless. Junhoe took it upon himself to cash in every bit of cash he had on him on a game of craps. Of course, he lost, but the drunk Junhoe didn’t care.

Across the room, Jaebum followed the wall around the casino. The wall was his clutch, for he couldn’t walk two steps without nearly falling over. After walking a lap around the casino, he decided to take a seat by the blackjack table, where he passed out after a few minutes of sitting.

Junhoe began to flirt with a much older, very off limits woman at the craps table. Slyly moving her way, Junhoe nonchalantly made his way next to her. The woman clearly being interested in Junhoe’s good looks, whispered something scandalous in his ear, which excited the drunk Junhoe. Quickly, he grabbed her hand and started to pull her towards the elevator. Junhoe dragged the woman right past a passed our Jaebum, and straight into the isolated elevator.

As soon as the elevator doors closed, the two began to make out. Kissing and tugging at each others clothes didn’t cease when the doors opened. It did however, encourage Junhoe to pick up the woman, wrap her legs around his waist, and carry her to his room.

Meanwhile, down in the lobby, a passed out Jaebum was being investigated by security. They poked him a few times with no reaction. One of the security officers then hit Jaebum on the shoulder, causing him to wake up and swing a drunk punch in his direction. Since the security guards knew that Jaebum was drunk, they decided to just take him to his room. Two guards put Jaebum’s arms over each of their shoulders, and picked him up. They made it to the elevator and started for the room that Jaebum and Junhoe shared.

Junhoe and the mysterious woman started to heat things up. Clothes trailed from the door to the bed, where the two of them were sharing some much heated skinship. Just as things were starting to get even hotter, a knock graced the door.

“Arrgg…JAEBUM.” Junhoe moaned without stopping what he was in the middle of doing. “GO AWAY.”

“This is hotel security. Open up.” The muffled voice said. Over the muffled voice, Junhoe could hear a very drunk Jaebum barking like a dog.

“I’m going to kill him.” Junhoe got out of bed, picking up his boxers off the floor and put them on. He staggered to the door, tripping over the clothes in his way. When he opened the door, he was greeted by two huge security guards and a deranged Jaebum.

“I believe he’s staying in this room?” The guard said, pushing Jaebum to Junhoe.

“Yeah. Sorry about the trouble.” Junhoe took all of Jaebum’s weight and nearly fell over himself.

Junhoe walked Jaebum over to the chair sitting in the walkway. It wasn’t in the bedroom, which is where Junhoe was eager to get to. “Now stay here. I was in the middle of something.” Junhoe started to enter the room, but the woman walked snapping on her heels.

Jaebum looked up, eyes blurry, and focused on the woman. When he realized who she was, he quickly stood up. “Junhoe…” Jaebum said loosing his voice.

“What.” Junhoe turned around to see an extremely pale Jaebum looking at the woman.

“She…” Jaebum pointed to the woman. She picked up her clutch sitting on the table next to where Jaebum stood, and smiled at him. She then turned around and kissed Junhoe.

“I had a good time babe.” She whispered in his ear and walked out the door.

“Boss said not to do anything stupid.” Jaebum sat down and ran his hands through his hair.

“Who did anything stupid?” Junhoe leaned against the wall.

“You. You screwed the stupid.” Jaebum said looking at the ground.

“Hey, that’s not very gentleman like of you!” Junhoe yelled.

“What? You’re the one who banged the mob boss’s wife! The very mob boss we’re here to do business with!” Jaebum stood up and shouted.

Junhoe stood there in shock. His face went white, and his eyes grew wide.

“I hope that was good tail. Because that’s the last you’re gonna get for a very long time.” Jaebum ran into the bedroom and started to search through the personal, and expensive things he had with him. He noticed that the folder of information on the mob boss was missing. Along with the USB of hacked information into the casinos banking system. “SHIT!” Jaebum yelled.

Junhoe walked in the room and watched what Jaebum was doing. He was still in shock. “I was duped.” Junhoe said to himself.

“No shit Sherlock.” Jaebum said as he picked up phone.

“Who are you calling?” Junhoe panicked and leaped forward.

“Who do you think?” Jaebum said in frustration.

Junhoe buried himself into the bed. He couldn’t believe what he had just done. How as he going to explain himself to his boss? What was going to happen to him and Jaebum? All Junhoe knew for certain was that he needed to leave the island asap. Him and Jaebum were huge targets.


	3. Chapter 3

Time: Daytime

Location: Hospital

As Jaebum laid in that hospital bed, his loyal landlord stayed by his side. Jaebum was out of the coma, and had been for a while now, but he was currently going through alcoholic withdrawal, so the doctors kept him sleeping with medicine. It was too stressful for Jaebum’s mental state, and the doctors didn’t want to risk his mental health too.

The landlord rarely left Jaebum’s bedside, in fear that something bad would happen to him. He slept at the hospital, even though it had been a little past a month since Jaebum had been admitted to the hospital. He didn’t care, he took it upon himself to do something right. He missed chances before, for his own selfish reasons, and he felt like this was his redemption.

When the doctors took Jaebum off of the medicine, he became more coherent. He became aware of what had happened, and why he was in the hospital. For the first time in what felt like years, he had been sober. Sober with his body, and his mind.

“I didn’t try to kill myself you know.” Jaebum said out loud.

“I know. But the way you were drinking it sure looked that way.” The man said, sitting up in his chair.

“I let things get too crazy.” Jaebum said. He sighed to himself, looking at the ceiling.

“When did it begin, the addiction?” The man asked.

“A little before I quit my job. Part of the reason I quit was because I knew I had a problem, but, things happened…” Jaebum trailed off.

The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes, before the man asked another question. “When you woke up the first time, you were talking about killing someone. Do you remember that?”

Jaebum sat up and looked at the man. His eyes were full of emotion, most of which was sorrow. “I was an…undercover agent. My partner died during a mission.” Jaebum looked at his hands, trying to hold back the tears.

“Do you want to talk about it?” The man asked, knowing what Jaebum was going through.

“There’s not much to talk about really. Someone I cared for, loved like a brother, died on my behalf. It’s pretty simple.” Jaebum looked at the man with a face of sadness.

“You can talk when you’re ready.” The man smiled kindly at Jaebum.

“Tell me about you…since we’ve never really talked before.” Jaebum looked at the man. He was rather worn in the face. Jaebum could tell the man had lived a hard life.

“My name is James, but my friends call me Doc. I bought the building the two of us currently live in, about five years ago. I’ve been doing that ever since.” Doc smiled. “I too had a problem. But I’m sober now.”

“Oh?” Jaebum perked up a little bit. “What kind of problem?”

“The same as you. That’s how I knew you were in need of help. I was once where you are. Only I lost everything close to me.” Doc said, scooting his chair closer to Jaebum’s bedside.

“It’s hard. It really is.” Jaebum said to himself.

“It is, but you know what, it’s never too late to change.” Doc smiled at Jaebum.

“You’re right. It’s never too late.” Jaebum smiled. “Thank you. I wouldn’t be alive without you helping me.”

“Don’t thank me.” Doc patted Jaebum on the shoulder. “I’m just looking out for people. Not enough people do that anymore.” Doc smiled, and stretched out his tired muscles. “I’m too old to sit in chairs like this.” He laughed.

“Why don’t you go home. Get some rest and a good meal.” Jaebum said.

“I don’t want to leave you. You’re all alone.” Doc was concerned.

“It’s okay Doc.” Jaebum smiled. “I’m safe, and I’m not going anywhere.” Jaebum held up his arm that was connected to the IV drip, and laughed.

“Alright kid, get some rest.” Doc messed up Jaebum’s hair, and left the room.

Jaebum laid there with his thoughts. It had been the first time in a long time since he had sober thoughts. This scared him. The memories flashed before his eyes, making him relive what had happened to him and Junhoe.

As he laid there, he couldn’t believe it had been months since the accident. To him it felt like it was a never ending whirlwind of bad dreams. Even though his drinking problem had started while Junhoe was still alive, it had gotten much worse when he did die.

Junhoe was always getting onto Jaebum for his drinking habits. Jaebum admired this, knowing that someone cared for his well being, but he never stopped. At the time, Jaebum didn’t know it was a problem, he just knew he liked the taste. The madness would grow even worse when Junhoe would join him. Normally, the nights consisted of women, booze, and more women. When Junhoe would join him at the party, drugs would wiggle their way in.

Jaebum wasn’t one for drugs. He wasn’t very trusting, and always thought someone had spiked the stash. Junhoe however, loved the high. It was so bizarre to Jaebum how Junhoe would go from cold and professional, to wild and strung out. That was a less admirable trait of Junhoe’s; and like Jaebum with the booze, Junhoe would be lectured by Jaebum on the drug usage.

Even though Jaebum couldn’t see his own downfall with his alcohol problem, he sure did see Junhoe’s downfall. The two of them combined were a mess, but that mess was all Jaebum knew. If trouble didn’t find Jaebum, then Jaebum found the trouble.

Jaebum laid back and closed his eyes, remembering the last night of fun he and Junhoe had before the accident. They were at a club in LA. They were invited by a connection Junhoe had through their recent assignment. The guy was a big time drug runner from Mexico, and supplied all of the richest Hollywood elites their fixes. Cocaine was the trade, and avoiding police was his game. It didn’t help that this guy was certifiably insane, and the added blow running through his veins didn’t help.

Of course, Junhoe chasing a high, made it his priority to get a cut at a very big discount. This didn’t come without a price of course, and that price would end up costing Junhoe his reputation, and Jaebum’s as well.

The night of the party was a happy one. Jaebum was sober, and Junhoe wasn’t begging for a drug run before the party. Jaebum made it his mission to stay sober for a change, and enjoy the party in a different light. Jaebum’s plans changed as soon as they arrived at the club.

The valet took the vintage Ferrari Junhoe owned to a secured garage, and the two of them walked straight up to the bouncers and skipped the line. Jaebum remembered it like it was yesterday. Everything was so vivid, even the smell. The smell of alcohol was pungent in the air, and it made Jaebum sick to his stomach. Even though he loved the taste, it still made him sick.

Junhoe lead Jaebum to the back of the club, where the infamous drug runner was sitting in his VIP suite. Of course, he was surrounded by ten or so women, all of who attacked him and Junhoe as they entered the room.

“June! So glad you could make it! Take a seat, and pick a woman!” The man laughed, his gold grill showing when he smiled.

Junhoe took a seat next to the man, followed by a very plastic blonde taking a seat on his lap. Jaebum sat next to Junhoe, and a pretty brunette say next to him. Jaebum felt very uncomfortable. It wouldn’t be the first or last time Junhoe put Jaebum in an awkward situation.

“So June, I heard through the grape vine you wanted in on a part of this cut.” The man’s grill made him speak with a lisp, and it annoyed Jaebum.

“Yeah, I was thinking that I could take some of it off your hands, and keep the profit of what I sold.” Junhoe poured himself a drink.

“Half. You get half. I’ll even let you keep a little of the product for your own pleasure.” He held out his glass for Junhoe to refill it.

Junhoe poured the man another glass of champagne and sat quiet for a minute. Jaebum studied Junhoe’s body language. It was hard to get a read on what Junhoe was going to do. Between the girl sucking at Junhoe’s neck, and his cold expression, it was making the body language hard to decode.

“Deal.” Junhoe said with a smile. “I’ll pick it up tonight.”

“That won’t do.” The man said. “You’ve got your hands full. Pick it up in the morning.” He smiled at both Junhoe and the woman.

“Will do.” Junhoe looked at Jaebum. “Let’s have some fun.”

“Boss isn’t going to like this.” Jaebum said sternly.

“What boss doesn’t know, won’t kill him.” Junhoe laughed.

“Yeah, but it might kill you.” Jaebum said to himself.

Junhoe started to kiss the girl that was sitting on his lap. Disgusted with the situation, Jaebum got up and went outside of the club. Little did Jaebum know at that time, the last thing he said to Junhoe, would become a reality.


	4. Chapter 4

Flashback…

Jaebum stood outside of the club, shivering from the cold, looking around at all of the people hanging around outside. Trying to avoid knocking over the drunks, Jaebum slid down the outside wall until he hit the edge of the building. Making his way to the alley, he slowly sat down on the ground, running his hands through his hair. He sat there, thinking about what was becoming of Junhoe, what was becoming of himself, and what was going to happen to the both of them.

“Hey.” A voice broke him out of his thoughts. He looked up, and the glare of the streetlight blocked the face of the person talking to him. He stood up to get a better look. It was the girl from the VIP suite.

“Did you follow me?” Jaebum said in frustration.

“Yeah, well, your friend is getting a little crazy. So I left. I guess we decided on the same place.” She leaned up against the wall, lighting a cigarette.

“You know, that’s bad for you.” Jaebum pointed to the lit cigarette in her hand.

“If this is what kills me, after all I do to myself, that’s going to be a lame death.” She chuckled and took a drag of her cigarette.

Jaebum stood there and studied her. He didn’t look at her much in the suite, because he assumed she was a prostitute. He didn’t go for that. With his good looks and charm, Jaebum knew he didn’t have to pay for anything. To Jaebum’s amazement, this girl was beautiful. Her long brunette hair traced her face just right, and she was wearing barely any makeup.

“So…” Jaebum said, looking at his feet and kicking a rock.

“So…” The girl said, looking at him.

“What’s your business in there? You don’t look like the type to be caught up in that kind of mess.” Jaebum leaned on his shoulder against the wall, looking at the girl.

“Oh, that.” She laughed, putting out the cigarette with her foot. “Let’s just say, I’ve got a special interest in there. I can’t say anything else.” She looked Jaebum in his eyes. He saw her soul. She was just like him.

Jaebum opened his mouth to speak, but the sound of screaming made him look up. People were running from the club, screaming in terror. “What the hell…” Jaebum ran to the entrance of the club, but his view was blocked from the crowd congregated outside.

“What’s going on?” The girl asked.

“I don’t know.” Jaebum turned to her. “I wonder if there’s a fire or something.”

The two of them watched the doorway for any potential clues. They waited for a few minutes before the girl grabbed Jaebum’s hand.

“Follow me.” She pulled him down the alley. He followed without hesitation. She led him to the back of the club, where the back entrance was completely open and unattended. “Let’s go in and find out what’s going on.”

Both of them walked into the club. The music was still blaring but the vicinity was empty. In the distance, Jaebum saw the VIP suite where he left Junhoe, and it was empty. Quickly, Jaebum ran to the suite to find a dead drug lord laying on the table. It appeared he was snorting a line when he died.

“Shit. He was my biggest connection.” The girl said picking up the dead man’s head, taking a look at him. His face was covered in a mixture of coke and blood.

“Where’s Junhoe?” Jaebum looked around frantically.

“He’s over there.” The girl pointed to the corner of the club. A figure sat, huddled, hugging their knees to their chest.

“Junhoe…” Jaebum said as he approached the figure. Getting closer, he could see that it was indeed Junhoe.

“He took a line, I took a line, he died. Am I next?” Junhoe looked up, his eyes black from his dilated pupils. The vein in his neck was also throbbing, from the massive amounts of cocaine running through it.

“Come on. We need to get you out of here.” Jaebum picked Junhoe up off the floor, letting him lean his weight on him. As he was about to head for the door, the girl stopped him.

“Wait…” The girl ran up and slipped something into Jaebum’s pocket. “You’ll need this.” She smiled at him, and ran out the back door.

Jaebum shook his head confused, and made his way to Junhoe’s car.  
Jaebum buckled Junhoe into the passenger seat. Turning on the car, Jaebum grew extremely nervous, for he had a nearly overdosed Junhoe next to him.

The ride back to the apartment was a quiet one. Keeping a close eye on him, Jaebum noticed the rapid speed of Junhoe’s breathing, and his inability to sit still. As Jaebum pulled up to a red light, Junhoe began to mumble.

“Speak up June.” Jaebum said, reaching across to Junhoe wiping the sweat off his forehead.

“It’s my time…” Junhoe said, looking at Jaebum.

“What?” Jaebum started to drive at the green light. “What are you talking about?”

Suddenly, Junhoe slumped over into Jaebum’s lap. Junhoe hit the steering wheel making Jaebum swerve off the road and into a ditch. The airbags went off, but didn’t keep from Jaebum smashing his face into the wheel. After a few seconds of taking in the situation, Jaebum looked at a passed out Junhoe. He was slumped across the middle counsel and in his lap. Jaebum frantically picked Junhoe up, exposing the blood on his face. His nose was bleeding, and bleeding excessively.

“June…” Jaebum gently patted Junhoe’s face trying to wake him up. It didn’t do anything. “Junhoe…” Jaebum began to cry. Junhoe was lifeless in his hands, and cold as ice. “JUNHOE!” Jaebum yelled.

Jaebum began to fight the seat belt that held him in place. It was tangled in the mangled seat, smashed in from the crash. Struggling to get out, Jaebum kicked and ripped trying to release himself from the metal he was tangled in. The sirens in the background grew closer.

Moving what felt like in slow motion, the rescue team cut both Jaebum and Junhoe from the wreckage, putting them in separate ambulances.

—————–

Jaebum’s Hospital Room

Jaebum shot up out of a dead sleep. The memories were coming back faster than ever before, and the desire for a drink grew even stronger. His heart pounded in his chest, causing the alarms he was hooked up to, to go off. The nurses ran in and tried to stabilize his vitals, but he was having a panic attack. Thinking quick on her feet, a nurse gave Jaebum a shot of anxiety medicine to calm him down. It quickly took affect, allowing Jaebum to relax.

“I think now is a good time to talk about it.” Doc said, pulling up a chair to sit at Jaebum’s bedside.

“Where do I begin?” Jaebum laughed to himself.

“How about you being telling me who Junhoe is.” Doc said.

“Was I talking in my sleep?” Jaebum looked at Doc apologetically.

“More like yelling.” Doc smiled a comforting smile.

Jaebum took a deep breath. “Junhoe was my partner, the one who died.”

“What were you dreaming? Was that where he died?” Doc leaned in closer.

“Almost. He suffered a cerebral aneurysm while we were undercover for a job. It happened while I was driving. That’s how I got this scar.” Jaebum pointed to a long line down the side of his face.

“Did he survive?” Doc’s tone was full of concern.

“That was the calm before the storm. Believe it or not.” Jaebum laughed a little.

“I’m guessing things got worse?” Doc leaned back in his chair.

“Sort of. He recovered, with a weakness in his left side. He jumped back into the workforce way too soon. That’s where he met his demise.” Jaebum took in a shaky sigh, trying to fight back the tears.

“That’s enough talking for now. You need to relax. That medicine will make you sleepy, so, try to get some restful sleep.” Doc smiled and stood up. “I’m going to go to the cafeteria. Would you like me to get you something?”

“Could you get me some tteokbokki if they have any?” Jaebum smiled.

“Of course kid.” Doc said with a smile. He turned around and walked out of the room.

Jaebum laid his head back onto his pillow and closed his eyes. For the first time since before the accident, Jaebum closed his eyes without having flashbacks. The peaceful state the medicine put him in quickly put him into a deep sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

“Who was she?” Doc asked, taking a bite of his tteokbokki.

Jaebum stuffed his mouth full of food, moaning at the taste. Other than his thoughts, he hadn’t had any sober meal in a very long time. This was the best thing since the invention of rum, in Jaebum’s mind.

“She is, well…was my girlfriend.” Jaebum swallowed his mouth of food. The taste suddenly went from amazing to bitter in a flash.

“Well, tell me about her. I’m sure she was pretty amazing. You paused stuffing your face to think about her. That’s a pretty important sign.” Doc teased.

“I met her at the club the night Junhoe had his medical emergency.” Jaebum took a drink of some water to clear his throat. “She was the first girl that made me stop and think.”

“Think about what?” Doc propped his feet up and continued eating.

“Just think. She made me question myself, what I was doing, what I needed to do. Most importantly, she made me question if what I was feeling, was love.” Jaebum felt his face grow hot. That had been the first time he had ever said that out loud.

“She sounds pretty amazing.” Doc smiled. “Where is she now? She must be worried about you.”

“About that…” Jaebum’s face fell flat. “She, uh, left.” Jaebum was vague to avoid talking about what really happened.

Other than Junhoe’s death, the drunken state helped avoid the truth behind what had happened with his love life. It was a toxic one, but nonetheless a love filled one. Jaebum loved her so much, but every great thing comes to an end.

——-

Flashback

Location: Hospital

Jaebum was laying in the hospital bed with a bandage around his head. His face badly cut, caused him great pain, but the unknown condition of Junhoe made him restless. Luckily for Jaebum, he only spent a few hours in the hospital. When discharged, he ran over to where Junhoe was being treated.

The doctor told Jaebum everything. The cocaine caused a blood vessel in Junhoe’s brain to leak, causing him to go into a cerebral aneurysm. Surgery was the only way to fix the problem, and because of that, Junhoe was rushed into emergency surgery.

Since their Dubai mishap, they were reassigned a new case. Their boss wanted to take down competition, and he assigned Jaebum and Junhoe to do just that. Little did he know, the target was dead, but to his own doing; and because Junhoe took his job seriously, he was nearly dead too.

Sitting in the waiting room, Jaebum started to grow peckish. Digging around in his pockets for some money, he reached into his front pocket. In his pocket was a business card, the very business card the girl from the club had slipped to him.  
It consisted of a single phone number. Jaebum decided to give her a call. Why else would she give him her number?

Jaebum pulled out his cellphone and dialed the number. It ran three times and was answered by a sweet voice. “Hello?”

“Hi..um…” Jaebum hesitated. How was he supposed to greet her? He didn’t even know her name.

“Jaebum?” The girl asked.

“How’d you…” Jaebum was interrupted.

“Your friend kept calling you that, so I assumed. I assumed right.” She laughed to herself. Even her laugh was beautiful.

“Yeah…you assumed right.” Jaebum laughed back. “I really hate to call you in this situation…but I was in an accident.” Jaebum rubbed the back of his neck, flinching when he hit his bandage.

“Are you okay?” She sounded concerned. Which oddly comforted Jaebum.

“Sorta. My friend on the other hand, he’s in pretty bad shape.” Jaebum sighed.

“What hospital are you at?” Jaebum could hear her grabbing her keys in the background.

“I’m at Seoul Hospital.” Jaebum sighed again. He didn’t want her to feel sorry for him, but, he was selfish and desperate at the same time.

“I’ll be right there.” She hung up the phone.

Jaebum looked at his phone for a few seconds before putting it back in his pocket. He couldn’t believe it was that easy. A random girl he just met, coming to see him at a hospital. This was a new experience for him.

Twenty minutes passed, and there was still no update on Junhoe. The pain medicine prescribed to Jaebum for his injury started to kick in, and it was making him drowsy. He propped his feet up and quickly drifted off to sleep.

“My god, look at your face.” Jaebum was awoken by someone talking to him. He opened his eyes to see the girl from the club.

“I know, isn’t it flawless.” Jaebum gave her a sleepy grin. His raspy voice echoed in the empty waiting room.

“What in the world happened to you?” She sat in a chair next to him and started to adjust his bandage. “I saw you literally an hour ago, and now half your face is almost gone.”

“My friend…” Jaebum started.

“You mean the good looking one?” She gave him a playful grin.

“Uh, yeah. If you say so…” He smiled a little, but it still stung. He couldn’t figure out why that hurt so much. Junhoe was indeed very good looking, but, he wasn’t lacking in the looks department either. “He had a medical emergency that caused me to crash my car.”

“Was it from the coke?” She asked, quickly pulling her hand away from Jaebum’s face in shock.

“Yeah, I’m afraid it was.” Jaebum looked at her. Between the pills running though his system, and the lack of sleep he had, he was starting to see double. Shaking his head to erase the double images he was seeing.

Noticing Jaebum’s distress the girl eased Jaebum’s head in her lap, and started to brush his hair with her fingers. “Just sleep..you need to.”

“Thank you…“ Jaebum smiled to himself and quickly drifted off to sleep.

Little did Jaebum know at that time, he was sleeping with the devil.


	6. Chapter 6

“I just realized that we never introduced ourselves.” The girl said to Jaebum.

Junhoe had been out of surgery for a few hours, and Jaebum had been by his side ever since.

“What?” Jaebum said, half listening to what was being said.

“I’m Cera.” The girl said, looking at Jaebum.

“I’m Jaebum, and this is Junhoe.” Jaebum motioned to the unconscious Junhoe. 

“Nice to meet you Jaebum.” She smiled shyly.

“The doctor said it would be a few weeks before Junhoe would be fully recovered, if that. If you want to go home and get some rest, I understand.” Jaebum said, not taking his eyes off Junhoe.

“It’s okay, I want to stay.” She moved her chair closer to Jaebum. “I have to be honest, we didn’t meet by accident.”

“What do you mean?” Jaebum looked at her with narrow eyes. He knew this wasn’t going to be good.

“I need to hire you for a hit.” She said.

“You mean us?” Jaebum looked at Junhoe laying lifeless in the hospital bed.

“No, just you.” She looked at him, eyes darker than before.

“Why just me?” Jaebum said with an uncertainty to his voice.

“Because, the hit involves Junhoe.” She didn’t bat an eye, or even stir when she said that. It was blunt and cold, just like the figurative knife that went through Jaebum’s heart.

———————–

Present Day

“I bought some food for you to have in case you get hungry. It’s in the fridge.” Doc walked over and opened the refrigerator. “I also removed all the booze from the premise.” Doc walked over to Jaebum, who was sitting on the couch. “If there’s anything you want, please let me know.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate all of this.” Jaebum said, trying to hold back the tears. He wasn’t sure why he wanted to cry, but he was on the verge of it.

“I need to go attend to some landlord business. I’m just a phone call away.” Doc smiled and placed a hand on Jaebum’s shoulder. “Rest. You are still weak.” Doc nodded a goodbye, and left the apartment.

Jaebum sat there, sober. He thought to himself, and came to the conclusion that he had never stepped foot into his apartment sober. This was a first. Everything was so vivid, that he noticed things that he hadn’t before. He noticed the one bedroom apartment looked nearly vacant, only housing a tattered couch, makeshift table, and a mattress.

He also noticed how bland the area was. Dull white brick made up the walls, and the ceiling was stained from water leaks from the apartment above. The windows were fogged up, showing the escaping heat from his apartment. The couch he sat on smelled of alcohol, and was stained from various spills from his drunken stupors. 

When Jaebum was discharged from the hospital, the doctor told him that he needed to move around as much as he could. The coma had weakened his muscles, but it wasn’t bad enough for physical therapy. Following the doctors orders, Jaebum began to explore his apartment.

He walked to the fridge, looking through it to see what he had to eat. Looking at the contents, Jaebum decided to make himself some scrambled eggs. Getting the eggs out of the carton, Jaebum accidentally dropped one, shattering on the floor.

“Shit…” Jaebum said, as he grabbed a nearby towel to clean up the mess. While cleaning up the mess, Jaebum noticed an object lodged under the refrigerator. He reached under the refrigerator grabbing the cold object with his fingertips. It was heavy, and made of metal. It was stuck. With one swift tug, Jaebum pulled the object out, making him fall back in the process. Looking down at the object in his hand, Jaebum noticed it was his Colt M1908 pistol.

He had a flashback to the night he ended up in the hospital. Sitting there with his gun in his hand, he contemplated the worst. He didn’t want to die, he just wanted to end his haunting thoughts. The only thing that stopped him from pulling that trigger was his faith. To him, he knew that ending it on his own, only made it worse on him. There was no escape from his demons, and it would perpetuate even worse in purgatory. He would become Sisyphus, forever pushing that rock up the hill, never to reach the top.

Sitting there, studying the gun, he turned it to look at the barrel. The barrel was engraved with the initials KJ. They stood for Koo Junhoe. Jaebum let out a long and loud sigh, remembering how he obtained the gun to begin with. Tears began to form as he relived the memory.

“He would want you to have this.” Jay handed over Junhoe’s Colt pistol.

“Are you sure?” Jaebum held the Colt in his hand. It was cold and heavy.

“Of course. He loved that gun. He spent hours cleaning it and tricking it out. It was his baby.” Jay said enthusiastically. “He would want his brother to have his pride and joy.”

“Thanks.” Jaebum tried to fake a smile, but failed.

“It’s okay, don’t force it.” Jay embraced him into a hug. “Today is a hard day. We’re officially saying goodbye.“ Jay had a single tear run down his cheek. That’s when Jaebum began to cry. “Let’s go. We can’t keep everyone waiting, and Junhoe would hate for anything in his honor to start late.”

The two of them laughed at Jay’s comment. It was true, Junhoe hated anything to start late, especially if he was the man of the hour. 

With Jay’s arm around Jaebum’s shoulders, the two of them walked into the funeral parlor.

Wiping the tears from his face, Jaebum stood up and took the gun into his bedroom. He went to his closet, moving aside his close, exposing his hidden safe. Punching in the combination, Jaebum opened his safe. It was nearly empty. It only contained a few hundred dollars, his mothers wedding ring, and an old photo of him and Junhoe. He placed the gun into the safe, closing it with a buzz alerting him that it was locked and secure.

He was ready to face his demons. There was only one way to do this. Jaebum needed to conquer them head on, and that meant in person.


	7. Chapter 7

Flashback

“I can’t, I just can’t.” Jaebum was pacing the room, running his hands through his hair.

“You have to. It’s you, or him.” Cera said.

“You’re crazy.” Jaebum rested his head on the wall, punching it out of anger.

“You have to eliminate the threat. Junhoe is a threat. He’s too sloppy.” Cera got up and put her hand on Jaebum’s back, slowly rubbing it. “He’s still weak, people will think it’s complications from his accident.”

“Clearly, you’re new to this situation.” Jaebum snorted wanting to hit her. Holding back his anger, taking in a deep breath, he grabbed her waist and pulled her into him. “He’s my brother. I love him. I will never hurt him.”

“And I love you…” Cera wrapped her arms around Jaebum’s neck, pulling him in to kiss his cheek. “Junhoe is scary. He’s unpredictable, and he’s going to self destruct. More than he already has.”

“I can just send him to Hawaii for vacation.” Jaebum nuzzled Cera’s neck, mumbling to himself.

“No Jaebum, this has to be done.” Cera pulled away from Jaebum, looking him in the eyes. “You and I both know it.”

—-

Present Day

Jaebum began to go through his things. He had so much left over from his undercover days, it was overwhelming. Digging through his entire apartment, Jaebum discovered that he had several hidden weapons about the place. They were in the kitchen, under the bathroom sink, in a hidden drawer in the closet, and even in the freezer. This bewildered him, for he didn’t own that many guns to hide. Pulling out the final hidden gun from under his couch, it suddenly dawned on Jaebum where these weapons came from. They came from Junhoe.

The weeks before Junhoe’s death, he grew extremely paranoid. He knew that someone was after him, but he didn’t know who. He had grown to hate Jaebum’s girlfriend, and never had good vibes around her. The two of them quarreled at the sight of one another, and Jaebum was always playing instigator. No matter what side he took, he was always igniting the fights more.

Of course, Junhoe had no where else to go. He was still extremely weak from his medical condition, loosing all motor skills on one side of his body, leaving him completely dependent on others. This pained Junhoe. He was this independent person, who wanted to do what he wanted when he wanted, but his condition changed all that. The relationship between Junhoe and Jaebum was strained due to this, and Jaebum was doing all he could to prevent a fallout of their relationship. The end was near, and they both felt it.

The only way Junhoe felt in control of this situation was by hiding his arsenal about the apartment. He hid this well from Jaebum. Junhoe would go around the apartment hiding his guns, and even upgrading them to make it easier for him to use. Many hours were devoted to this, in hopes that he could prevent a hit on him. Despite his efforts, he would ultimately meet his demise.

Gathering all of the weapons from their hiding spots, Jaebum put them in a box and sat them on the floor in front of him.

“There’s got to be at least twenty weapons in here.” Jaebum said to himself. He pulled out a military issued knife. The blade had Junhoe’s information engraved onto the side.

Putting it back in the case, Jaebum put the knife back into the box. He sighed to himself, running his hands through his hair. What was he going to do with all of this stuff? Jaebum decided that for now, a good plan was to leave it alone. Who knows, he might need it at some point.

Sitting there, thinking to himself, Jaebum’s phone began to ring. Struggling with it for a few seconds, he answered it. “Yeah?”

“Jaebum? Is that really you?” Jaebum’s heart dropped. It was a voice that he knew all too well. It was Cera.

“How did you get this number?” Jaebum said with a shaky voice.

“It never changed..” She trailed off.

“I don’t want to speak to you. I made that clear the last time we spoke.” Jaebum was growing with anger.

“I just wanted to see if you were okay.” She said softly into the phone, in a calming tone.

“I’m fine.” Jaebum was short, about to hang up the phone.

“Don’t hang up JB…” She paused. “I need to see you.”

“No, I never want to see you again.” Jaebum

“It’s important. It’s about Junhoe.” She sighed.

Jaebum sat there with the phone to his ear, suddenly hit with the flashback of the infamous night that ended more relationships than one.

“Don’t you ever say his name ever again.” Jaebum began to boil with anger.

“When you come around, meet me at our spot.” She hung up the phone.

In a bit of rage, and sadness, Jaebum threw his phone against the wall, shattering it into pieces. Quickly, Jaebum stood up and began to rummage through the box in front of him. He put a gun in the back of his belt, put the bullet proof vest on under his shirt, and put the knife in his hidden pocket. He was suspicious of the sudden phone call, and knew his life was in danger. He needed back up, and he had the perfect person in mind.


End file.
